Dating: The Difference Between Builder and Consumer Types of Men

There’s so much talk in the level-up community about the high value masculine man. Who is he, what he looks like. Everyone seems to have a different definition of him. 

I’ve noticed that men generally have 2 types or stages in life. I’m going to label them Builder and Consumer for the sake of this post and it’s easiest to understand, but we can use or other names like the “Good Man” and “The Player”, “High Value Man” and “Low Value Man”, “K-selected” and “r-selected”etc. There are a used a myriad of other labels to describe these types. To me, the label isn’t that important as how to identify these men. 

 Note: Within these 2 stages Builder and Consumer are 2 general modes – hunt and rest. (These won’t be discussed in this post).

 Note: Psychologist Dr Jordan Peterson refers to them as useful and useless men. Builders are useful. Consumers are useless. 

Consumers are men who consume the world and women. They are the men who are consuming the provision their parents or government provide as well as consuming knowledge (ie: stilt he unripe still in school, still learning their craft, etc) and in the toxic realm consuming women wanting the benefits of being with a woman but not wanting the responsibility. 

Consumer men aren’t just young men but older men can be in consuming mode too during traumatic and rebuilding stages in their life such as illness, unemployment, break-up, divorce, death, bankruptcy, crisis, etc. During these periods men are not able to properly fulfill the roles of provider due to emotional, mental, spiritual or physical issues.

 It’s mostly the men in the consumer stage who complain about their duties as provider /protectors and women who expect these rights from them, as well as complaining that women are evil, materialistic and slutty.

 We need to understand that women view commitment as a NATURAL GROWTH of LOVE; Men view commitment as a decision of RESPONSIBILITY. 

 Parallel to the consumer, the Builders are the ones who have gone through the initiation of education, learning skills/craft/, training on how to be a competent man and leader. 

They often have gone through rite of passage rituals or events that have ushered them into manhood. They are capable and willing to provide containment for himself, his parents, wife, children as well as women and children in the greater society.

A useful competent Builder man doesn’t need or have time for the sob stories or victimhood. He knows his life mission. 

An important point to remember is that Builders are all about production and reproduction. They want to share their abundance with people who welcome, appreciate and reciprocate with their own abundance. 

They have a deep ego-gratifying satisfaction from their role as planner, progressor, provider, protector, procreator. 

For Builders, it’s all about choosing a method for life construction, procreation and the raising of their legacy. The core issue is what’s BEST for the FUTURE. 

Builders have changed their perspective FROM consumer’s SHORT-TERM  to LONG-TERM thinking. They have learned to control their desires, learned to better postpone gratification, foresee future needs, and work towards goals for the future. 

They have gotten to the point of appreciating and even needing to voluntarily work for the good of others who are allied with them. Creating value for someone else that does not directly result in a reward for them but they understand it’s one of the hallmarks of long-term mutually beneficial relationships.

Men are naturally a Builder species. Still, within they have a spectrum of behaviors, some having more builder instincts than others. Consumers are the males who have not yet due to age and inexperience developed this builder trait or there has been an arrested/regressive development due to trauma. 

Building requires certain skills that normally develop in childhood. Builders need to have good coping skills, the ability to defer gratification. The love and proper upbringing of parents promote a healthy self-image and development. 

Childhood trauma can interfere with all of these developments. It’s beyond the scope of this post to go into the details on the cause of these behaviors. 

Builders have an ownership mentality. (as well as the victor mentality) They own themselves. They own their journey. They own their successes as well as shortcomings. They own their own home. They own property and businesses. They take ownership of the well-being of people in their care. 

Other traits of Builders are competitiveness, protectiveness, high-investment two-parent rearing, only mating when mature, and high loyalty to one’s competitive in-group. All these traits either help Builders win when they have to fight, or produce and protect. 

Builders often engage in competitive mate monopolization and have particular propensity to engage in monogamous courtship and mate guarding. They will exhibit more complex adaptations in society, from increased emotional intelligence. 

Consumers on the other hand have the opposite. They don’t yet have ownership or reject ownership. Don’t understand or reject the concept of loyalty. 

Other psychological traits inherent to the Consumer are conflict-avoidance, promiscuous, exposed to early sexualization, rarely risking for others and no loyalty to a competitive in-group. 

In evolutionary ecology, r and K describe two fundamental psychologies seen in nature, designed to adapt an organism to either a glut or a shortage period.

Rabbits, for example are r-strategists, designed to exploit free resources, like fields of lush grass. They thrive in times of glut. 

Wolves, are K-strategists, designed for when resources are too limited for everyone to survive. They thrive in shortage times. 

Humans, en masse are considered to K-strategists species, yet due to poor upbringing, adult trauma and social conditioning regress to into r-strategy. 


Is the MGTOW movement the result of poor discernment of men choosing “consumer women”?

Builders are more focused on QUALITY 

“I want the best”

“I want to be wealthy” 

“I want to build a legacy” 

“I want to help people help themselves” 

Consumers are more focused on QUANTITY

“I want the most”

“I want to look rich” 

“I want people to want me” 

“I want people want to be me”

BUILDERS and CONSUMERS have their polar mates in women:





Builders in relationships with nurturers create an infinite cycle of the man taking action /building and the woman receiving, nurturing and inspiring the man to repeat his cycle,growing and expanding what he’s built. 

Physically, energetically and spiritually replenishing each other. 

Builders are responsible for provisioning and protection, and so they tend to grow courageous and competitive.

By contrast, the women in their sphere remain more feminine and conflict averse – they are designed to attract males with their femininity, and nurture children in security by removing them from the dangers which the male confronts for the sake of the family. 

Consumers on the other hand, both genders, only consume without building or regenerating, thus end up burning out their partners, children and resources then seek out other people and opportunities to consume. Hint hint : energy vampires 

Consumers, after consuming the women (whether a consumer or nurturer) must raise their offspring alone, so they gradually become more aggressive, competitive, and more “manly” (Masculinas), to provide for and protect their single parented offspring better. 

If you raise children in unstable environment, they’ll be CONSUMERS regardless if the mother woman is a nurturer or consumer.  The protective containment of the Builder is missing for ideal child rearing. 

The Consumers, the promiscuous males, become more feminine in behavior (likely to help them avoid conflict with other males), more diminutive, more focused on superficial flash that is designed to attract mates quickly.  


 A: Builders do not act from their feelings or act on their feelings. 

Builders make decisions about what they think is right for them and those they love and care about, regardless of their feelings, then stick to them. 

Always give little value to how they describe themselves and “feelings” talks. “I love you” means little without the SERIES OF ACTIONS BACKING IT UP and take responsibility for their actions and take “ownership” of their loved ones and people under their care. 

Every man will present himself as a Builder. “I love you. You’re wifey”

Many times, I believe they aren’t self-aware and themselves see themselves as Builders even if they are not … 

BUT also remember, many consumers are very comfortable and skilled at lying even to themselves. They might say they are mature if they think it will help them get what they want. 

Instead, it’s best to always observe the pattern of actions over a period of time, not singular actions. 

Also don’t reminisce about how he’s treated you in the beginning, if he’s treating you badly now. The treatment of the last 20% of your relationship is a good guage of how your relationship is. 

Trust and a spot in your life needs to be constantly earned, whether premarrige or during.

 DON’T think just because he married you, he’s a Builder. Many Peter Pan type men, like the Male Gigglo and Visa Hunter will marry you while not fulfilling their Allah appointed role as provider and protector of the family. 


One type of conversation I like to have early on to vet is how they see manhood, what he likes about manhood/men, women, gender roles and what he likes about women. 

If a man describes all women as being evil degenerates and/or that women are only good for sex that indicates that he himself is a consumer and/or has only had experience with consumer women. It’s time to run sister!


Some men remain stagnant in Consumer state for long periods of time, even their whole lives.

Men growing up in 2 parent households where he was given a healthy model of masculinity, husbandry and fatherhood tend to progress to be a Builder faster. The same goes for societies where sex is mainly available through marriage like most Muslim societies, and marriage is seen as sign of maturity. 

These men know that they can need to be at their best, building a solid foundation before being eligible for sex, marriage and family. Take note, that most leadership positions are occupied by married men, not single men. Married men in many countries are viewed as more trustworthy dependable workers. 

Also Builders use sexual transmutation during singlehood to advance themselves, instead of consumers who waste their sexual energy on promiscuity and por*. (Reference to the Law of perpetual transmutation of energy) Builders in marriage, through the aid of their wives use her sexual energy as an advancer. 


No, consumers are divided into 2 categories. First, The Boy is the immature, underdeveloped male has the potential to grow into the Husband and Father in the future with all the right teachings and leadership. He is eagerly and humbly learning and growing on a trajectory towards becoming a Builder. 

These undeveloped males, boys such as our younger brothers, sons, and nephews, etc who at their stage of development cannot be responsible and in the leadership role of a relationship or family, even if they wanted to. These young males are actually under OUR protection and guidance.

The second type, the grown boy Consumers are who we should avoid…but remember, the Consumer vs. Builder is not about judging men as good or bad. It’s just discernment. 

 CONSUMERS who want you just for sex and your resources. And yes, your feminine presence and nurturing is a resource. They will pursue then pout, if they don’t get their way. 

 BUILDERS who want you for marriage will show respect and restraint.

 NEGATIVE TRAITS OF CONSUMERS – Some but not limited to just these traits:

Not financially solvent or successful 

Hasn’t achieved his educational and career goals and thinks marriage will hinder this 


No family ties

Dysfunctional family 




Lack of empathy


History of multiple divorces

Family history of multiple divorces 

“Doesn’t do relationships”

Avocate of open relationships

Uses “Wokeus Popus” lingo

Street slang over proper language 

Ambiguous speech


No life vision 

Fixed mindset, not growth mindset 

Victim mindset

Lack of spirit of generosity

Anti – chilvary 

Substance addiction: drugs cigarettes, alcohol, etc

Por* user



Vague boundaries 

Skewed view of good and evil/acceptable and unacceptable 

No agency – emotional control hysterical or aggression 

Surrounded by consumer men and women 

Validation seeking 

Pro disgency 

Pro single motherhood


Against traditional gender roles 

Against religion and /or traditional wisdom 

Against marriage 

Premartial sex 

Against traditional expressions of gender  

Unfit and unhealthy 

Negative attitudes about opposite gender 

Virtue signaling 

No accountability 

Live like a degenerate 

High disgust tolerance


Extreme fetishes 

Manipulative, scheming nature 

Use shaming tactics 

Want always to get their way

Outwardly seem tolerant yet aren’t

No respect for your time

No respect for your boundaries 

Comfortable talking about sexuality with you

Constantly asks for pictures 

Aggressive sexuality 

Sexually frustrated 

Sexually confused 

Incapable of commitment



Smooth talker “Casanova*

Turns your empathy in their favor 


Liberal tendencies

Against traditions

Demands lowering of standards


Supportive of the ”everyone gets a trophy” movement

Status from déception and nepotism, not merit 

Thrill seeking


Low financial literacy 

Frivolous spending 

Low-risk calculation

Favors shortcuts 

Low-investment parenting 

Low-investment courtship 

Favors friends over family 

Encourages early sexualization of children 

Faked performance masculinity “High Value Alpha Male”

Beta shaming

Mahr shaming

Divorcée shaming

“If you don’t accept polgamy, I’ll fall into sin” 

Emotionally immature

Emotionally unavailable 

Underdeveloped masculinity 

Fleeting focus

Only around for the good times


All Consumers are typically time wasters, and will play and mess up your life. 

 The Male Friend

 The Workplace Husband 

 Friends with Benefits

 The Player

 Peter Pan

 Mama’s Boy

 The Visa Hunter


 The Toy Boy

 The Married Man

 The Red Piller

 Damaged Man

 The Long Distance Runner

 50/50 Man

 Confused Nice Guy

 Why is it important to understand the differences between Builders and Consumers?

Women who are looking to marry need to know how to identify dangerous Consumer men and avoid them, in order to save themselves from heartbreak, pain, abuse, financial ruin, abandonment, neglect and single motherhood. 

Should I date/marry a man who is not yet fully a Builder ?

I would say each man is a case by case study. It’s for you to take the time to vet him. Take into consideration the following:

How close is he to demonstrating in abundance the Builder virtues?

Is he on a trajectory that will take him into Builder maturity in the NEAR FUTURE, especially before he becomes a father?

It’s a serious gamble trying to push a Consumer into the Builder role who isn’t ready or willing to do the work. 

The woman pushes him, unsatisfied with who and where he’s at, he eventually gets bored, cheats/dumps or allows the woman to build him then once he’s a complete builder leaves her for an upgrade. 

Please do not confuse some high earning men out there, Bill Gates for example, who mutually built parts of their empire together during their marriage, since in such cases the man was a Builder prior to the marriage. 

The wife inspired and assisted the husband with what he already had built.

I wrote this post as a preliminary vetting tool to categorize men who have potential (Builders) to be your future husband and the Consumers who from the beginning display red flags and should be be eliminated quickly. Using this is ONE STRATEGIC TOOL of your TOOLBOX. 

You still need to take the time to properly vet, by observing their character and pattern of actions. 

A Builder could check off all the desirable qualifications, can be financially well off, ready for marriage and even court you probably but he could have deep seated issues you’ll only discover after vetting. 

So please take the time to actually vet these men. Don’t get in your ego, emotional or look for shortcuts. 

A quality marriage is slowly simmered, not quickly picked up from McDonald’s drive through where he quickly pushing you into a relationship. 

No McMarriages ladies!  


Article Source: Facebook Group Muslim Ladies Level-Up @muslimladieslevelup

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