Let’s start by saying that going on a coffee date is not directly related to feminine energy. It is a personal preference.
So you are not more or less in your feminine energy if you accept or don’t accept a coffee date.
But it seems coffee dates are the norm these days. Especially in the online dating world.
And that is due to the fact that there is an abundance of men and women that use dating apps, and so it is the normal these days for the first time you meet someone.
But just because is the norm, doesn’t mean you have to accept it.
A coffee date is the first time two people meet in real life after matching online (although it can also be the first date if you meet them offline).
It’s a low effort and low investment meeting where you can just drink a coffee or it can include pastries, a snack, etc. This depends on what the man offers and the place you go.
In this article we’ll go through the pros and cons of going on a coffee first date and most ideas people have about it, so you can check with yourself what feels good to you:
“I can leave quickly if we don’t click”
Many women use this explanation when it comes to drinking coffee as a first date.
Pros: If you meet with the person and you don’t click or he is rude in some way, you can easily leave after a short period of time.
It is also a low investment of your time and energy. And this is a good thing if you are matching with many men and going on many dates.
Cons: If you go meet someone with this mindset, chances are you didn’t vet the person properly before the date.
Doing a phone call or even better, a video call, might be all you need to feel better about knowing someone the first time and feel more at ease, without being in a fight or flight mode. So you can be relaxed in your feminine energy and truly get to know the person in front of you.
And who knows, maybe you two don’t click but you become friends and he introduces you to a friend of his who happens to be the right man for you!
And of course, you can and should leave a date anytime if you don’t feel comfortable for any reason.
“The first time we meet is not a date”
Many women don’t see the first time they meet with a man as a date. Is more like a meet and greet to see if you both “click”.
Pros: Same as before. It is a quick way to know someone new, and if you don’t like them for any reason, you didn’t waste too much time and energy to get ready or go there.
Cons: Same as before. If you think this way, chances are you didn’t vet him properly before meeting, like talking on the phone, doing a video call, asking key questions.
Every meeting with a man you matched with on a dating app should be seen as a date, because that sets the romantic tone instead of feeling like meeting a friend or a business client. And you need that romantic tone to see if you both click.
It is that romantic tone that helps you being in your feminine energy, flirting, being playful and open instead of guarded or wanting to rush.
Also, many women enjoy getting ready and looking really good when meeting a man for the first time and they don’t feel motivated to do so on a low effort date.
And of course you can and should still have boundaries and standards when being on a romantic date.
But this romantic tone helps you too connect much better because it has masculine-feminine polarity.
“I don’t like a stranger spending a lot of money on me”
Many woman don’t feel comfortable with the man spending much money on them and feel pressured.
Pros: A coffee date takes this pressure off you, because it is a low investment from the man.
Cons: If you feel this way, check with yourself how much you are in your feminine energy in general and if you are open to receive. Especially if you tend to want to pay half.
A woman embodying her feminine energy and open to receive at all times, doesn’t question this.
She openly accepts the man spending money on a first date because she knows he is also getting her amazing feminine energy back.
“Many men don’t like to spend too much money on a first date because they have been catfished or with “gold diggers”
Yes that happens to many men. And many women are concerned with this and understand a man not wanting to spend much money on a first date because of that.
Pros: If you are concerned with this and want to show a man you are who you say you are and not a “gold digger”, then a coffee date can be the best option for you.
Cons: Although that can happen to many men, it is not your responsability. We attract what we are and focus, so if a man attracted that type of women, is because he didn’t vet them properly before the date and didn’t ask her key questions.
And if you accept a low effort date with a man with this mindset, that means you too are in a fear mindset of some kind or trying to prove yourself, which is low value and a scarcity mindset.
It’s not your fault what happened to him before, and you don’t have to prove to any man you are not like that. It’s up to him to know how to vet women better and deal with his fears.
And also, be aware that very often this is just an excuse many men give to not spend too much on a date.
“We can go on a proper date the second time we meet”
Many woman don’t see this first date as a proper date, just a meet and greet, and prefer to go on a proper date like dinner on a second date when she already knows him.
Pros: If you think like this, a coffee date can be great for you, because there is no pressure of time, energy, having to look great, etc, and you already know him when you meet a second time.
Cons: The problem with this mindset is that usually a woman is not thinking long-term or the impact on his mindset when accepting a coffee date as a first date.
Any man knows that a coffee date is a low investment date (or any other low investment date like a walk in the park).
And he knows is low effort especially if he is taking you to a random cheap place for coffee. We are not talking here about a man who takes you to have coffee on a high end classy place where there is much more than just coffee, that is a different story.
We are talking about men who take you just anywhere around the corner to sip a coffee.
Even if he is not doing it on purpose not to spend much, and whatever his reasons are to ask a woman on a coffee date, he knows is low effort.
And even if he invites her out on a dinner date for the second date, his first impression of her is that she accepts low effort dates.
That will stick to his mind, either consciously or subconciously.
And this happens in any interaction of any kind with everyone we meet, even with a friend or a business client. The first understanding we have of what the standards are of a person, is the impression that tend to stick to our minds.
So if you continue dating him, what can happen further down the road after a few dates and especially when he realizes you are getting emotionally attached to him, is that he’ll revert back to going on low effort dates.
Not because he is a bad person or because he “tricked” you, but because he knows you accepted a low effort date and that impression sticked to him.
And it is human nature to get the maximum we can with the minimum effort possible.
So if you have high standards on how you want to be treated, you cannot accept a low effort date the first time you meet a man, so he cannot revert back to low effort because you never accepted low effort.
This is something many women don’t think. They think about the first two dates, first coffee and then second dinner, but never consider the long term impact of what they are communicating to a man when they accept a low effort date as first date.
And then many women complain later on that he is now in his comfort zone, he doesn’t plan dates or makes an effort anymore like he did in the beginning.
Remember, you set the tone of the dynamic and standards you want and accept, not the man. You either accept or reject what a man offers as a first date.
Some men also give you several options on what you want to do as first date because they don’t know you. So they tell you to choose what you prefer, if coffee, lunch, a walk, dinner, etc.
I personally love when a man does that and give you options for a first date, because he wants you to feel comfortable since he doesn’t know you and what you prefer. Choose what makes you feel better.
“Coffee first, dinner second”
Pros: If this are your standards and how you believe a dynamic should be and is what makes you feel comfortable, then stick to it.
Cons: This mindset can make you be too rigid and not consider other types of dates.
Besides coffee and dinner, there are so many other things you can do on a first date, like lunch, brunch, afternoon tea, a picnic at the beach, a fun activity like bowling, etc.
And sometimes is not only about how much money a man spends, but about the EFFORT he makes in providing the both of you a great time, planning the date, being creative, and showing you he is a high value man and a provider.
“I accept or not depending where the coffee date is”
Some women only accept a coffee date depending on where he wants to take them, because the place he chooses communicates who he is and how he wants to treat them.
So if you feel like this, you can always see the place he chooses for a coffee first date and then decide if you want to go or not.
This is especially important to women who want to have a good experience and want a certain level of lifestyle.
So you might might refuse if he wants to take you to the corner cheap coffee shop that is noisy and coffee costs a penny, but will accept if he wants to take you to a beautiful rooftop at a high end hotel or afternoon tea at a classy place.
So, not all coffee dates are created equal!
Final Words
This article is intended to give you some food for thought on coffee first dates, especially if you feel confused about accepting them or not.
But as we said in the beginning, accepting a coffee date as a first date is a personal preference.
Each woman is different and we all want different things, so stick to what feels good to you.
Do you go on coffee dates as a first date? Let us know what you think in the comments below!
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