If you were like me, you grew up being raised to believe that the most important things in your life are to always look good, find a man to be in a relationship and doing achievements to prove your worth.
So for a period of time in your life that’s probably exactly what you did.
In a society that often equates a woman’s value with her appearance or relationships, it can be easy to fall into the trap of seeking validation from others, particularly men.
Many women find themselves striving for approval, basing their self-worth on external factors like beauty, attention, or the dynamics of their romantic relationships.
The extreme of this is becoming a people pleaser and co-dependent.
When you lack self validation and knowing who you are, you are insecure and become co-dependent on others giving that to you and you also go to great lenghts to please others so they give you that, like letting others use your resources, your energy, your body, your money, etc.
However, true empowerment comes from within. To fully embrace your feminine energy and live as an empowered, whole woman living your best life with all that is good for you, it’s crucial to break free from the need for external validation.
When you break free from that need, you truly become FREE to live life on your own terms and have life happening for you, instead of to you.
No more attracting and accepting abusive men and situations that break you and take from you leaving you depleted in exchange of a few brief moments of validation.
Your validation and sense of self-worth will come from within and will always be present in you.
Here’s how to shift from seeking approval from men to cultivating feminine inner confidence and wholeness:
1. Recognize the Roots of Validation-Seeking Behavior
To overcome the need for external validation, it’s essential to understand where it stems from.
- Cultural Conditioning: From a young age, women are often praised for being “pretty” or “pleasing,” subtly reinforcing that their worth is tied to appearance or compliance.
- Past Experiences: Early experiences of rejection, criticism, or conditional love can lead to a belief that external approval is necessary for self-worth.
- Media Influence: Social media and advertisements often glorify unattainable beauty standards, fostering insecurity and comparison.
Recognizing these influences allows you to challenge and reframe them.
2. Cultivate Self-Acceptance
Validation from others can never fill the void created by self-doubt or insecurity. The key to breaking free is learning to love and accept yourself unconditionally.
- Practice Daily Affirmations: Remind yourself of your intrinsic worth by repeating affirmations like, “I am enough,” or “My value comes from who I am, not how I look.”
- Celebrate Your Strengths: Reflect on your unique qualities, talents, and achievements that have nothing to do with appearance or external approval.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Replace self-criticism with kindness. Treat yourself as you would a close friend navigating challenges.
3. Detach Your Worth From Your Appearance
While self-care and feeling good about how you look are important, it’s vital to recognize that your beauty is only one aspect of who you are.
- Focus on Internal Growth: Invest in personal development, skills, and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment.
- Shift Your Perspective: Instead of viewing your body as something to be judged, see it as a vessel for living, experiencing, and creating.
- Limit Social Media Consumption: Reduce exposure to content that triggers comparison or reinforces superficial standards.
4. Build Emotional Resilience
Empowered women know how to validate their own emotions and experiences without needing external approval.
- Journal Regularly: Write about your feelings, experiences, and growth. This practice helps you process emotions and recognize your inner strength.
- Set Healthy Boundaries: Learn to say no to situations or people that drain your energy or undermine your self-worth.
- Surround Yourself With Positive Influences: Spend time with people who uplift and support you, rather than those who perpetuate negative patterns.
5. Embrace Your Feminine Energy
Your feminine energy is a source of creativity, intuition, and nurturing, and it thrives when you honor your authentic self.
- Practice Receiving: Allow yourself to receive support, love, and care without feeling the need to “earn” it.
- Connect With Your Sensuality: Explore what makes you feel alive and confident, whether through dance, mindful touch, or simply wearing clothes that make you feel good.
- Prioritize Inner Peace: Activities like meditation, yoga, or spending time in nature help you reconnect with your inner essence.
6. Redefine Success in Your Relationships
Instead of measuring your worth by how much attention or approval you receive, focus on cultivating healthy, mutually fulfilling relationships.
- Seek Connection, Not Validation: Build relationships where you’re appreciated for who you are, not for how you look or what you can provide.
- Let Go of People-Pleasing: Authenticity is more valuable than constantly trying to meet others’ expectations.
- Value Your Independence: A strong sense of self allows you to bring more to any relationship while maintaining your individuality.
7. Celebrate Your Wholeness
Empowered women understand that they are already whole, without needing anyone else to complete them.
- Focus on Gratitude: Shift your mindset from lack to abundance by appreciating the strengths, experiences, and qualities you already possess.
- Live With Purpose: Identify what makes your life meaningful, whether it’s a career, a creative passion, or contributing to your community.
- Trust Your Journey: Understand that growth is a lifelong process, and every step you take toward self-discovery is a step toward empowerment.
8. Let Go of External Comparisons
Nothing drains confidence more than constantly comparing yourself to others.
- Stay in Your Lane: Focus on your unique path instead of worrying about someone else’s.
- Reframe Jealousy: When you feel envious, use it as a guide to identify what you truly desire and work toward it authentically.
- Practice Presence: Stay grounded in the present moment rather than getting caught up in what others think.
9. Heal Your Inner Child
Either through therapy, self study or coaching, you need to address your core wounds and heal your inner child.
- Talk to your inner little girl: That little girl inside you wants YOUR attention. Not the attention from men, but from you. Listen to her needs and nurture her.
- Time to be playful: Take time to have fun and feel like a little girl again, doing the things you love and haven’t done in a while, like skating, running, jumping, dancing!
- Re-parent yourself: What did you miss having when you were a child? Attention? Love? Emotional support? Protection? Give all that to yourself now, like you are your own parent.
Final Thoughts
Breaking free from the cycle of seeking validation is a profound journey of self-discovery.
By focusing inward, accepting yourself, and embracing your feminine energy, you can move from a place of insecurity to empowerment.
Remember, your worth is not defined by your appearance, relationships, or the approval of others.
It comes from within—rooted in the incredible, multifaceted woman you already are. Embrace this truth, and watch as your confidence radiates, transforming your life and relationships for the better.
And remember, the right man for you is the one who genuinely loves you exactly as you are and wants to GIVE to you, not take from you from your insecurities.
As you heal and stop seeking approval and validation from men, you’ll stop entertaining and feeling attracted by abusive types of men and start feeling attracted by men who are respectful, kind and healthy, and be ready for a loving and mature relationship.
Ready to heal and step into your soft feminine life?
Click Here to know more about the course “How To Live a Soft Life: Using Your Feminine Energy”
