Having a loving and healthy relationship with a man who adores you is one of the most amazing things in the world.
But it shouldn’t be your top priority in life. The priority in your life should always be you, and the relationship with yourself.
Because when a woman puts a relationship with a man first (or the seek for a man and a relationship), she is coming from trauma bonding and co-dependency.
Like her happiness, well-being and validation can only come from a man and a relationship.
And when she comes from these trauma bonding patterns, she tends to lower her standards and accept men who are not exactly good for her, that can even be users or abusive people.
So the paradox to be ready for a healthy relationship and a loving and caring man who truly adores you is actually decenter men and putting yourself first.
It is to give to yourself all the attention, love, validation and joy you seek in others.
To truly stand tall in your feminine power. So you have high standards and can make the right choices and choose a partner that is truly good for you and be able to sustain a long-term healthy relationship.
And in the meantime whilst that man doesn’t appear, you are happy focusing on you and your goals, and living your best life! The man and the relationship will be the cherry on top, not the be all and end all of your life!
In a society that often prioritizes relationships and male attention as markers of a woman’s worth, the concept of decentering men can feel radical.
However, it’s a crucial step toward reclaiming autonomy, building self-worth, and living an authentic, empowered life.
Decentering men doesn’t mean rejecting love, relationships, or male companionship—it means prioritizing yourself, your dreams, and your well-being over societal expectations or validation from others.
In fact, decentering men is crucial if you have an anxious or avoidant attachment system and want to step into a secure attachment, so you break unhealthy patterns and heal your inner child.
Here’s how a woman can shift her focus inward and embrace her fullest potential:
1. Redefine Your Worth
Many women grow up internalizing the idea that their value is tied to how others perceive them, particularly men. Breaking free from this mindset starts with redefining your self-worth.
- Affirm Your Value: Your worth isn’t dependent on anyone else’s approval. Repeat affirmations like, “I am enough as I am.”
- Identify External Influences: Reflect on societal messages that shaped your beliefs about relationships and challenge their validity.
- Celebrate Your Achievements: Focus on what you’ve accomplished independently, and take pride in your skills and talents.
Key Shift: See yourself as a whole, complete person, not as someone waiting for external validation.
2. Prioritize Your Needs
Decentering men means putting your own needs, desires, and goals at the forefront of your life.
- Self-Care as a Priority: Dedicate time to physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
- Define Your Goals: Create a vision for your life based on your passions and dreams, not someone else’s expectations.
- Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to situations or relationships that don’t align with your values or well-being.
Key Shift: Become the main character in your own story, with your happiness as the priority.
3. Develop Financial Independence
Financial independence is a cornerstone of empowerment. By taking control of your finances, you create freedom and reduce dependency on others.
Even if you meet a man who is generous and a financial provider, having your own money and being able to stand on your own two feet will allow you to have a healthy adult relationship and not enter into a dynamic where the man resembles a father and you his child.
You’ll also never be financially dependent on your partner, and have the freedom to at any time take the decisions that are best for you.
- Learn About Money: Educate yourself on budgeting, investing, and building wealth.
- Set Financial Goals: Work toward milestones like saving for travel, purchasing property, or starting a business.
- Create Multiple Income Streams: Explore side hustles, freelancing, or entrepreneurial ventures to build security.
Key Shift: Financial independence empowers you to make decisions that serve your growth and stability.
4. Cultivate Deep Self-Love
To truly decenter men, it’s essential to love and value yourself unconditionally.
Stop being and doing things to “please men”, or to be what men want in order to be chosen.
Embrace your authenticity and realize that the kind of true love you desire with another means being true to yourself first!
Perform femininity to please others is not empowerment. It’s the sign of a woman who is in her wounded feminine self.
Having the courage to be yourself in a world that constantly tells you to be something else, that is true empowerment!
- Practice Self-Reflection: Spend time understanding who you are and what makes you happy.
- Celebrate Solitude: Enjoy your own company through activities like journaling, walking in nature, or exploring hobbies.
- Embrace Imperfection: Let go of the need to be perfect or always “desirable.” Authenticity is your greatest strength.
Key Shift: Self-love becomes the foundation for everything you do, allowing you to thrive independently.
5. Build a Supportive Community
While decentering men focuses on your individual journey, a supportive community of friends, mentors, and loved ones can provide strength and inspiration.
- Foster Female Friendships: Surround yourself with women who uplift and empower you.
- Seek Mentorship: Learn from those who have successfully navigated similar paths.
- Engage in Shared Interests: Join groups, classes, or organizations that align with your passions.
Key Shift: Community helps you feel connected and supported without relying on romantic validation.
6. Embrace Personal Growth
Focusing on yourself involves continuously learning, growing, and evolving into the best version of you.
When you decenter men, you have the opportunity to get to know YOU!
To know who you are, what do you like, what do you want to do and how you want to live. You can now explore all that because your focus is now on you, and start creating your dream life.
- Invest in Education: Take courses, read books, or attend workshops that align with your goals.
- Try New Experiences: Step outside your comfort zone to discover hidden talents and passions.
- Celebrate Progress: Recognize and appreciate the strides you’re making, no matter how small.
Key Shift: Growth becomes your compass, guiding you toward fulfillment and self-discovery.
7. Date from a Place of Wholeness
When you’ve decentered men and prioritized yourself, you approach relationships from a place of abundance rather than lack or need.
Decentering men doesn’t mean you need to stop dating all together (although you might feel you need to for a period of time to just focus on yourself), but it means dating from a place of being in your power.
The amazing relationship you have created with yourself and the inner peace you have cultivated are now the priority, and you only accept people in your life who match that energy.
You only accept a man who comes into your life to make it even better. To be the cherry on top.
No more dysfunctional dynamics, toxic patterns , wishy washy men, emotionally unavailable or inconsistent men. You now only accept what’s good for you. What matches the secure attachment you now have.
- Know Your Standards: Be clear about your values and non-negotiables in a partner.
- Avoid Codependency: Maintain your independence and encourage the same in your partner.
- Seek Alignment: Choose relationships that complement your life rather than complete it.
Key Shift: Relationships enhance your life but don’t define it.
Why Decentering Men Matters
When women place themselves at the center of their own lives, they reclaim power over their happiness, success, and identity.
Decentering men is not about rejection or blame—it’s about choosing to live authentically, with love and respect for oneself.
This shift not only benefits you but also sets a powerful example for others, showing that fulfillment comes from within.
By focusing on yourself first, you can cultivate a life that’s rich, meaningful, and unapologetically yours.
The journey to decentering men and embracing yourself is one of courage and transformation. It’s a declaration that you are whole, valuable, and deserving of a life designed by you, for you.
Want to step into your feminine power fully?
Click here to get the book “Embody Your Sensual Feminine Energy
