In relationships, financial support can play an important role and it’s smart for a woman to choose a man who is financially stable, generous, can provide for his family and is financially savvy.
I would never advise a woman to be with a man who is not financially stable, wants to take from her, has a very bad relationship with money and a broke mentality. I would in fact tell her to stay away from those men!
However, balance is needed, and when a woman chooses to engage with a man solely for monetary gain, the dynamics become unhealthy for both parties involved.
That makes a woman disconnected from her feminine power, because using men for money (or using people in general) comes from feminine wounds. The same core wounds a man has when he uses women solely for s*x.
It seems there is a growing trend online at the moment where many people are telling women to use performing femininity to “get the bag” and use men for money.
Beyond the ethical concerns, this approach can lead to a host of personal, emotional, and social consequences that undermine long-term happiness and self-worth.
And the reason I wanted to write this article is precisely because no one talks about this.
You can find many Tiktok and Instagram videos of women living in luxury using men for money, but rarely someone speaks about the bad consequences of doing that.
Usually because it doesn’t suit the agenda of the people creating those videos, because of shame, or simply because of emotional disconnection.
Here’s an in-depth look at why using men for money can be detrimental to women and how to avoid falling into this trap, so you can take an informed decision:
There Are no Free Lunches
Men are not dumb, especially wealthy men. And especially men who have created their businesses and wealth from scratch.
They know what they are doing, so women who think they can use manipulation techniques to get money from a man, are in for a surprise.
Men who use their money to get women do so for a reason. They might pretend they don’t know what the woman is doing, but they are just playing the game.
Wealthy men can have emotional wounds and connect their worth to money, so they use it to “buy” women. But, there are no free lunches.
No wealthy man invests their money randomly. They do so because they expect something back from the woman.
Either is s*x, attention, validation, status, company, control, etc, they expect the woman to play her part in the agreement.
So is not simply a case of taking their money and do nothing in return, like many people make it look like online. You’ll have to play your part in the agreement and very often use performing femininity to do so, or be someone who is not authentic, which is the opposite of what feminine power is.
Loss of Self-Worth and Independence
Relying on a man solely for financial security can erode a woman’s sense of independence and self-esteem over time, even if in the beginning it feels like that doesn’t matter.
- Dependency: When financial support becomes the foundation of a relationship, it can trap a woman in a cycle of dependency, making it harder for her to leave if the relationship becomes toxic or unsatisfying.
- Undermined Confidence: True confidence comes from achieving personal goals and independence, not relying on someone else’s resources. And yes, that also applies to feminine women, not only to boss babes in masculine energy!
The Result: In the long term, a woman may feel powerless and disconnected from her own potential.
Emotional Disconnect
When money becomes the primary focus, emotional intimacy often takes a back seat, leading to shallow or unfulfilling relationships.
- Transactional Dynamics: Relationships centered around financial gain lack the depth and authenticity needed for emotional connection.
- Resentment: The man may feel used, while the woman may feel trapped in a role she doesn’t genuinely value.
The Result: Both partners end up feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled.
The only way for a woman to be able to sustain this is if she is emotionally unavailable and closed off (and therefore doesn’t value emotional connection), or if she is just ignoring her feelings and her need for connection.
But that emotional void will never go away and eventually even grow bigger. Sooner or later she understands that money cannot fill an emotional void.
Damage to Reputation
Using a man for money can have social consequences that impact a woman’s reputation and future opportunities.
- Social Stigma: Friends, family, or peers may view the relationship as opportunistic, leading to a loss of respect.
- Career Impact: If the behavior becomes widely known, it could affect professional relationships and opportunities.
The Result: Long-term damage to credibility and trustworthiness in personal and professional spheres.
Risk of Exploitation and Control
Accepting financial support without emotional equity can create an imbalance of power in the relationship.
- Manipulation: The man may feel entitled to control decisions, behaviors, or other aspects of the woman’s life.
- Lack of Autonomy: Financial dependency can limit a woman’s ability to make choices freely or leave the relationship.
The Result: A toxic dynamic that undermines freedom and personal growth.
Even if in the beginning it feels like a golden opportunity, the truth is many men who enter into these dynamics are controlling and/or abusive.
They either see women as merely something to be used in exchange of benefits like s*x or status, and don’t respect them.
Or, some men can look very successful but emotionally they operate from their wounded child and are very immature, believing they need to use money to buy a woman’s love and presence, and be very bitter when that doesn’t happen as they want.
Missed Opportunities for Healing
Focusing on a man’s financial resources and using men for money can be a way of “making men pay” for having been used in the past.
Many women who enter into these dynamics are women who have been hurt in the past, gave too much to men who treated them badly and used them in many ways.
Many of those women were once naive, a “lover girl” wanting true love and a fairytale.
Once they wake up and realise how much they were naive and let themselves be used, they now want to flip the coin and basically do the same.
This can be seen as a form of avoidance. The other side of the same wounded coin, as in “now I am going to use men and be on top”.
But, becoming the users doesn’t heal their core wounds, it just ignores them.
By now being the ones using men, these women fail to take accountability for their past choices, for their trauma bonding patterns and co-dependency.
The high of being provided with money can make one look like they are healed or make them look they now have the power, when in reality they are still being used, only at a different price now. At the price of their authenticity and true feminine power.
Taking accountability for their past choices and doing their inner work is the road less travelled.
It takes courage to do so, whilst doing performing femininity to “get the bag” provides the easy way out.
What these women fail to realise is that they can do their healing AND still have a man providing for them, but a man who genuinely loves and cares for them, who provides in many other ways besides financially.
- Neglected Talents: Depending on someone else’s wealth may discourage personal development or skill-building.
- Limited Experiences: Living through someone else’s achievements denies the joy of creating a life based on personal success.
The Result: Unfulfilled potential and regret for not chasing personal dreams.
Emotional Guilt and Inner Conflict
Using someone for money often comes with a heavy emotional toll.
- Guilt: Knowing the relationship lacks genuine love or respect can weigh on a woman’s conscience.
- Fear of Exposure: Constant worry about being discovered as insincere can lead to stress and anxiety.
The Result: A life clouded by emotional turmoil, insecurity and fear, never being able to just be herself.
Father-Child Dysfunctional Dynamic
Many women who enter into these dynamics have a “father wound”.
They had absent fathers, emotionally unavailable and/or abusive fathers, and they don’t value emotional connection, but material things.
Emotionally they are still operating from their wounded little child so they accept a relationship with a man in a father-child like dynamic, where he provides and she obeys.
He pays and she follows the rules and what he decides. Sometimes to the extreme of him giving her an allowance.
This can lead to a lifetime of never addressing and healing her wounds and always being co-dependent and weak.
A Healthier Approach to Financial Security
Instead of relying on a man for money, women can embrace strategies that promote independence and genuine connections:
- Cultivate Financial Independence: Learn about budgeting, saving, and investing to create personal wealth.
- Focus on Authentic Relationships: Build partnerships based on mutual respect, trust, and shared values.
- Develop Personal Goals: Pursue education, career opportunities, or entrepreneurial ventures to achieve self-sufficiency.
- Seek Support Without Exploitation: Healthy relationships involve mutual support. It’s okay to lean on your partner, but it should be a two-way street.
Being with a man who is financially stable, generous and has a provider mindset is key to a healthy relationship where a feminine woman feels safe as well as their children, but merely using a man for money is a very different thing.
It may seem like an easy solution to financial challenges, but it often comes with significant personal and emotional costs.
True feminine empowerment comes from self-reliance, personal growth, and building relationships based on authenticity and mutual respect.
By focusing on your own abilities and creating a life that reflects your values and ambitions, you can achieve lasting fulfillment—both financially and emotionally.
Let love and respect, not transactions, define your relationships.
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